exactly why we tell people we're pregnant early

Yesterday Brad and I giggled in an elevator on our way to the 5th floor of a building that we have come to love over the past three years.

Yesterday while he got me a spicy vanilla latte from the Starbucks on the main level, I answered medical questions and was weighed and had my blood pressure taken.

Yesterday we had a babysitter so I didn't have to go to my first doctor's appointment alone.

Yesterday was very familiar and completely different.

It's how we've always done things with each pregnancy. Brad doesn't come to every appointment but he comes to the first one because that's when you hear your baby's heartbeat for the first time. It wouldn't seem right him not being there.

And those clinical beds topped with crunchy paper are never comfortable but we were at great ease as we laughed about me wanting twins and anything in the room we could make a joke about.

And then the nurse couldn't find the heart beat.

I wasn't completely panicked because I know sometimes it takes time. Three minutes passed. Then five. Still no heartbeat. She was really calm and assuring but the tears were welling up in my eyes and Brad's I'm-trying-to-encourage-you smile was looking a little fake.

So the doctor came in and tried with a stronger doppler. And couldn't find the heartbeat.

We kept hearing mine, but it was much slower than a baby's so we weren't fooled. Five minutes. Ten minutes. She kept trying and I kept crying. Twenty minutes passed and she started asking me questions about how the pregnancy has been going. Not a good sign. Has there been any spotting? Any cramping? How have you been feeling? I had all the right answers but I also know full well that a woman can miscarry with no symptoms and still have  strong pregnancy symptoms until after she has miscarried.

She turned the machine off and suggested an ultrasound. At this point, I was sure we'd lost the baby and all I could think about it how am I going to get through this? Brad was still trying to be positive but he also started reminding us both that God is good no matter what happens today. Truth I love, but I knew I was only hearing it because he, like me, assumed the worst was going to happen.

And seconds after the ultrasound began, we saw our baby's teeny tiny heart. Beating away. Healthy as ever. Hidden from the doppler but so clearly a thriving baby with accurate measurements and no cause for concern.

We cried and laughed and exhaled and it was my favourite moment ever.

And relief washed over us but it could have easily been grief. I've never been naive about the possibility of miscarriage. In fact, I've probably worried about it too much for each and every one of my pregnancies. My prayer life is consumed with petitions to God to keep our baby alive in the 1st trimester and I've googled all the stats and facts about a hundred times.

Which is important to note, because one of the first comments I seem to always get from people when we announce our pregnancies long before the 12-week mark is "aren't you afraid you'll miscarry?"

OF COURSE I'M AFRAID I'LL MISCARRY. Every single time I'm pregnant I'm afraid I'll miscarry. Which is exactly why we tell people we're pregnant when it's still a large possibility. Friends of ours demonstrated this so gracefully years ago, before we were even pregnant. They told people they were pregnant and she miscarried, and they then told people what had happened. I knew then, as I was part of their grief with them, that I would do the same thing when I became pregnant.

If we claim to put a high value on community, family, friendship, and fellowship, we felt we needed to live that out - and early pregnancy seemed like an ideal time. Sharing joys and griefs alike is one of the purest ways to do that. I share about my pregnancies early because I can't contain my joy and can't hide it from those around me who I love. And if God should decide to carry us through the trial of a miscarriage, the same would be true of our grief.

Hiding grief and mourning in secret doesn't mesh well with our beliefs of the Christian life, particularly our views on community, and so, we share.

Yesterday I was absolutely expecting to be sharing grief with you all today. And I wouldn't have regretted for one second that I told the world I was pregnant. I would have needed delivered dinners and free babysitting and warm hugs and shared tears and back rubs and prayers and comfort, and you don't get those things when you mourn alone.

It takes a community, we believe, to mourn and heal. God designed things that way. And to properly celebrate and rejoice, too. So rejoice with us today, because our third baby is alive and well! I'm so glad you know :)

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep 

[Romans 12:15]