This week I've been chatting about setting the framework for my kids so they can make their own decisions safely and appropriately. Balancing my authority and control as a parent with their right to choose, be flexible, and have freedom. It's still something I'm working through and writing these posts in the series are helping me further flesh out my parenting philosophies, so if it seems like I'm verbally processing, I am :) I'd also love to hear how you do things whether it's the same or differently. Being in community with other parents (with an array of philosophies and styles) has helped me form my own views and I'm grateful for diversity in parenting.
Today I want to talk about schedules and kiddos, as an important way we live out our parenting style. We LOVE scheduling. Scheduling our kids (or even trying to when it doesn't work!) kept me sane when I had two babies under 15 months, and it's still my BFF in parenting with a 1 and 2 year old under foot (which they are literally.right.now.)
When I was pregnant with Lily one bit of advice I kept hearing over and over again was "get her on a schedule as soon as you can!" which seemed daunting and so intense at the time. I knew next to nothing about babies or parenting, but I knew that didn't sound like it was for me. Well, after a few weeks of flying by the seat of my pants in New Born Land I knew I was desperate for predictability, and it seemed Lily was too.
See, I was feeding on demand, letting her sleep on demand, etc. The problem was, she wouldn't take full feeds or full naps. She would taste test my milk, nap for 45 minutes, take another bit of milk, fall asleep, and so on. This was combined with low milk supply and was a nightmare! Breastfeeding problems aside, Lily was setting the stage and by 6 weeks, we couldn't handle it. One night I breastfed her for 4 hours straight. She would nap for 5 minutes, wake up and drink, then fall back asleep. It was the last straw. I was exhausted and she wasn't thriving. She always seemed tired and hungry, though she was always sleeping and eating!
And then the scheduling saved my sanity. With our kids we went with the Babywise method, but I think any kind of scheduling is more helpful than none. Within three weeks, Lily was as predictable as the postman. There was a degree of crying-it-out that was excruciating at the time, but it was what she needed to fall into a healthy rhythm of fully restful sleep and fully nourishing meals. She started sleeping for longer periods at night, and eventually for 12 hours straight around three months. We couldn't believe how much scheduling blessed our family. We were all thriving again. Isn't is amazing what a little sleep does? Within a month we were pregnant again. Sleep was that powerful ;)
Scheduling our kids helped us actually have more freedom. Does that sound crazy? It's true.
Because we know exactly when our babies are going to nap and eat, we're free to make plans, go out, life our lives! We're never unsure of when the baby will wake, because we wake them at the same time every day (and generally they wake on their own at the scheduled time by 6 months). While many moms on the playground had to be open ended about play dates, at the whim of their baby's nap schedule, I knew exactly when I could make plans. How freeing!
Now that Lily and Oli are 2 and 1 respectively, they're able to miss a nap or delay a meal by a bit and remain fine because the predictability has taught them that they will eat/nap soon, plus they're well-rested from their 12 hour sleep the night before so a skipped nap here or there isn't the end of the world. Just recently, Oli started waking several times a night. Call it teething, a new environment, whatever. And I completely forget ALL of this. I'd run to his crib, offer him a bottle, let him come out and play with us, etc. And the pattern continued to be a nightly affair, when Brad chimed in "uh, Em, don't we just let him cry and fall back into his schedule?" OH YA. And the last couple of nights we've done just that. His crying went from lasting 20 minutes down to 30 seconds in two days. Now he's back on his schedule and we're all happier!
If I let my kids run the show with scheduling, I know they wouldn't have thrived as babies. They would have snacked more than fed well and napped more than slept well. Now as toddlers they sleep and eat predictably and are in fairer dispositions when they miss a nap or meal. It's been freeing all around and terrific for our family. Intimidating at first but glorious now.
What's been your experience with scheduling? Sleep training? Meal timing?
Today I want to talk about schedules and kiddos, as an important way we live out our parenting style. We LOVE scheduling. Scheduling our kids (or even trying to when it doesn't work!) kept me sane when I had two babies under 15 months, and it's still my BFF in parenting with a 1 and 2 year old under foot (which they are literally.right.now.)
When I was pregnant with Lily one bit of advice I kept hearing over and over again was "get her on a schedule as soon as you can!" which seemed daunting and so intense at the time. I knew next to nothing about babies or parenting, but I knew that didn't sound like it was for me. Well, after a few weeks of flying by the seat of my pants in New Born Land I knew I was desperate for predictability, and it seemed Lily was too.
See, I was feeding on demand, letting her sleep on demand, etc. The problem was, she wouldn't take full feeds or full naps. She would taste test my milk, nap for 45 minutes, take another bit of milk, fall asleep, and so on. This was combined with low milk supply and was a nightmare! Breastfeeding problems aside, Lily was setting the stage and by 6 weeks, we couldn't handle it. One night I breastfed her for 4 hours straight. She would nap for 5 minutes, wake up and drink, then fall back asleep. It was the last straw. I was exhausted and she wasn't thriving. She always seemed tired and hungry, though she was always sleeping and eating!
And then the scheduling saved my sanity. With our kids we went with the Babywise method, but I think any kind of scheduling is more helpful than none. Within three weeks, Lily was as predictable as the postman. There was a degree of crying-it-out that was excruciating at the time, but it was what she needed to fall into a healthy rhythm of fully restful sleep and fully nourishing meals. She started sleeping for longer periods at night, and eventually for 12 hours straight around three months. We couldn't believe how much scheduling blessed our family. We were all thriving again. Isn't is amazing what a little sleep does? Within a month we were pregnant again. Sleep was that powerful ;)
Scheduling our kids helped us actually have more freedom. Does that sound crazy? It's true.
Because we know exactly when our babies are going to nap and eat, we're free to make plans, go out, life our lives! We're never unsure of when the baby will wake, because we wake them at the same time every day (and generally they wake on their own at the scheduled time by 6 months). While many moms on the playground had to be open ended about play dates, at the whim of their baby's nap schedule, I knew exactly when I could make plans. How freeing!
Now that Lily and Oli are 2 and 1 respectively, they're able to miss a nap or delay a meal by a bit and remain fine because the predictability has taught them that they will eat/nap soon, plus they're well-rested from their 12 hour sleep the night before so a skipped nap here or there isn't the end of the world. Just recently, Oli started waking several times a night. Call it teething, a new environment, whatever. And I completely forget ALL of this. I'd run to his crib, offer him a bottle, let him come out and play with us, etc. And the pattern continued to be a nightly affair, when Brad chimed in "uh, Em, don't we just let him cry and fall back into his schedule?" OH YA. And the last couple of nights we've done just that. His crying went from lasting 20 minutes down to 30 seconds in two days. Now he's back on his schedule and we're all happier!
If I let my kids run the show with scheduling, I know they wouldn't have thrived as babies. They would have snacked more than fed well and napped more than slept well. Now as toddlers they sleep and eat predictably and are in fairer dispositions when they miss a nap or meal. It's been freeing all around and terrific for our family. Intimidating at first but glorious now.
What's been your experience with scheduling? Sleep training? Meal timing?
/// Stay tuned for the part 3 on Friday: TOYS + CLOTHES
I never felt like I needed a schedule until a few weeks ago. I realized Pen is just way too over-tired and that's a big reason why she cries all the time. Two days ago we started on a sleep schedule (I read healthy sleep, happy baby). It's working miracles, especially since Pen is much older I am finding it's easier to get her into this routine quickly. She's going from barely 1 nap a day to 3 naps a day, and still sleeping 10+ hours at night. YAY!
ReplyDeleteno wonder she was cranky with one nap a day as such a little muffin! so glad it's working for you and Penelope. That was Lily too (pre-babywise) - a lot of VERY short naps (20 min) or one long one (2 hours or more) and a lot of fussiness and waking at night. Babywise says babies under 6 months should never be awake for more than 2 hours during the day! I remember thinking "she'll never sleep at night if she's always sleeping in the day!" but it works the opposite - naps get them into healthy sleep patterns and then they want all the more at night.
DeleteA schedule totally worked for our family from the beginning as both my husband and I thrive on a daily routine. Our little guy is 3 months and is a dream! Seriously, he's so content and we get comments all the time about his good nature. He sleeps, eats, and plays on a 3 hour schedule during the day and sleeps 10-11 hours at night. We found the BabyWise books helpful in the beginning to set up our daily routine. I got a few raised eyebrows and comments from friends early on who thought baby scheduling was harmful to baby and that I should revert back to baby-led feedings. I love that he's happy, thriving, and that our day is mostly predictable. I totally agree that in a backwards way, scheduling gives you way more freedom: I know what to expect from him, so it's easy to fit other things into my day.
ReplyDeletetotally agree, L!
Deletewe got a lot of people saying it was dangerous too, but we always countered by sharing how our daughter actually wasn't thriving pre-scheduling. She was under weight and always cranky, and then Babywise had her eating fuller meals more regularly and sleeping longer so obviously she was thriving! Glad your little guy is doing so well :)
love this! I have 3 kiddos ... I "sleep trained" all of them! It was a saving grace and made me a much better mam :)! Now that I have 3 I am a not so scheduled during the day as I was with my oldest...:)
ReplyDeleteagreed - it's so much easier sleep training/ scheduling the FIRST baby (when there are no others kids around, haha!). with each additional child it's harder to coordinate and more work, and tougher to cry-it-out as other kids are trying to nap/sleep then too... but still something we'll do if we have a third baby!
DeleteCute blog! I can't wait to read more!
ReplyDelete-meandmr.com
ditto! you had me at pumpkin coffee cake :)
DeleteWhat I love in your post and realizing as I know more and more young families is that it totally depends on the parents, the family dynamic and what can work best for everyone. I love how well sleep training has worked for you guys. For us we knew from the start we could never do it, Matt and I are way too soft to let Hannah cry it out for 5 minutes let alone longer.
ReplyDeleteFor us we chose responding to cues immediately, gaining trust in those first couple of months so that Hannah would know that we were there, we would provide all she needs and she can thrive. Our doctor had us on a feeding schedule the first week because they thought Hannah was too small, but every 2 hours was not working, so we let Hannah choose more and boy did she start to thrive when we did. And slowly she started sleeping more, feeding less until at just over 2 months she was sleeping 10 hours every night totally on her own. It meant a 6:30 bedtime, up around 4:30/5, feed for 10 minutes and back to sleep for 3 hours. For us it was glorious! And although it was not schedule to the exact hour or minute, with us having cues and things that were predictable it meant I could have a flexible plan for the day, have her out at different times and it never messed either of us up too much, which for me was the freedom I needed!
That said 51/2 to 91/2 months were not so glorious. I think it was a combo of Hannah's determined personality, new things happening all the time with feeding, learning how to crawl, a tonne of teeth that came, one at a time always and were AWFUL for her (praying its better for the next one) and all of our travel (often with her back in the same room as us and people close by so we would respond right away to noises more than we would have at home in her crib). She woke up often practicing standing or crawling, or crying or talking, you name it. Didn't matter why she woke, it was that she woke and we no longer had our nights to ourselves. So my lesson is either don't travel so much (6 weeks in Panama, 3 in Ontario with families and staff conferences was too much) at that time, or make sure their bed is seperate from yours as much as possible so it feels like their own room, because they need that and we need that at that time!
But since then Hannah went right to sleeping at least 12 hours straight every night, naps amazingly well at anyone's house and home for average of at least 2 hours, and yet still has a fairly flexible schedule.
For us this approach worked, even with the few months of not perfect sleep, we learnt (and I do still think it was partly her personality because she practiced things a lot in her crib at night and ended up doing most things early for her age as a result). Without hesitation we will do it with our second. Respond to them from the start, set predictable cues for them for sleep and schedule (not times, but more of what to expect next) and everyone can stay flexible and thrive.