::: previously posted on my other blog :::
to baby fever.
My friends felt it when they wanted another one, and after Oli I didn't.
I hosted baby showers, visited newborns, played with sweet smelling 1 month-olds, and celebrated with friends over their recent pregnancies. All.Without.The.Fever.
Not that we didn't want more kids, as you know, we are adopting!
But we were sure of one thing: NO MORE BABIES.
Until last week. We were discussing the V word (vasectomy) and Brad asked an honest question.
Are you sure you don't want to have just one more?
My response was emphatic. You can read all about it here. But then last night as as were sorting through baby things to lend/give to a pregnant couple we know, it hit me. The fever.
Now, to discern if it's legitimate or not.
Is it just a hormone surge, emotions or nostalgia? Probably.
Is it just because our kids are in the same room now and sleeping through the night together? Maybe.
But while we're on the topic, what are my reasons for not wanting another baby, aside from adoption (because that would happen down the road regardless)?
I need to evaluate them, because last time I checked they weren't so solid.
They were temporary things. Fleeting things. Vain things.
Like how much I dislike pregnancy. (which is only 9 months)
Like how my pre-baby body is finally back. (and this body is not forever!)
Like how I can function as a non-mom some days because I only have 2 and they're pretty manageable. (but I am a mom! is it so horrible if my life reflects that all day, every day?)
Like how exhausting the first 6 months are. (again, it's only 6 months)
Like how awful breastfeeding was with both babies. (who says I have to?)
Plus I never wanted another biological child. And never wanted another baby (biological or adopted).
But if I do (not saying I do, just saying I'm thinking about it today!), would I seriously let 9 hard months followed by 6 exhausting months and body image issues be the defining factor? I hope not.
great post! I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night terrified of getting pregnant again. I'm so scared for the pain, again. For the fact that we have no money. For those 9months of being sore and exhausted. For those 6 weeks after birth of being delirious with fatigue.
ReplyDeleteBut then I peak over at my Penelope sleeping, and remember that there is a child in this world that I get to watch grow. Another child that will hopefully spend eternity with Jesus, worshipping and serving him in this life too.
Then I remember it's worth it. But not for another two years for me!! lol!
Hey Em,
ReplyDeleteGreat post!I appreciate your honesty!
Just this weekend we talked to two other couples that have fostered and adopted. One couple has five children with two that are adopted and the other has four children with one little girl that they've fostered then adopted.
Both couples told us it's getting harder and harder for Christians to be approved for adoption- especially in big cities. They said that CAS is reluctant to give kids to evangelical christians because a lot of christians feel strongly about spanking and they believe that homo sexuality is a sin. The couples told us that even if you a couple is not super passionate or vocal about these issues, just by identifying your self as a christian can make your application process harder. I'm not saying this to discourage you... But to keep in mind that sometimes this process can take years and in reality, at this point there is no guarentee that it will happen at all.(One of the couples got approved to adopt 2 more little girls, and right at the last minute when they were signing the paper work and picking up the girls, the decision was reversed!)
I think you and brad would be fantastic candidates to adopt, and I pray you have a joyful experience as you pursue it. It takes courage to do what you guys are doing. I'd just encourage you to hold it with an open hand. Both couples told us that the process for them was much harder than they expected and took much much longer than they expected.
God has good plans for you and your family and he'll bless you guys and direct you guys as you seek his face . That is the only guarentee. :)
Love you!