I've heard it said that the decision to go from 1 child to 2 children is easy, and that the decision to go from 2 children to 3 children is not.
true.words.
Now that Oli is 8 months old, both kids like each other and are sleeping through the night, it's really easy to forget the horrors (for me anyway) of third trimesters, breastfeeding, labour and delivery, early weeks and months of sleeplessness, and general trials that babies bring.
At least that's what my husband is experiencing right now.
A momentary lapse in memory. Amnesia, maybe? Nostalgia, perhaps?
At least that's what my husband is experiencing right now.
A momentary lapse in memory. Amnesia, maybe? Nostalgia, perhaps?
I don't know, but today he looked at me with puppy dog eyes and said
"do you want to have one more before we adopt?"
"do you want to have one more before we adopt?"
My initial response is still my current response: no.
But circumstances have me thinking. Circumstances such as Lily possibly entering government subsidized daycare next year for a few days a week. And several friends (congratulations Sarah, Vanessa, and Jess!) recently announcing their third babies are on the way. And the reality that my heart does long to have more children. I never pictured Brad and I as the parents to two and two only, and that still isn't in the plans. Adoption is in our plans, and the adoption of a non-infant to be sure, but with that comes the other reality:
We're done with baby bumps and pregnancy heart beats and picking names and unpacking cherished baby clothes and wrinkly, precious, soft newborns.
We're done with babies in our home. After not even 2 years since we started with babies in our home. Most days I'm 100% ok with that. Heck, I'm thrilled to say I'm done! But there's also the amnesia and nostalgia that make it hard. And right now we're feeling that.
If you're done having babies, how did you decide?
If you're in the season of deciding, how are you doing?
How many babies do you think you'll have or adopt?
We thought we wanted 4 biological kids, and how our plans have changed...
We thought we were done after two (boy and girl)...but then I got amnesia :) We prayed a lot, and decided to let God direct this one. I went off of birth control to "see what would happen" (which is kind of funny because what did I think would happen after going off birth control?) and we were pregnant immediately. I sort of look at the future and get excited at the thought of a crowded dining room full of grandkids at the holidays...or *gasp* the chaos and loud voices that will soon fill our house (God willing).
ReplyDeleteI may be going out on a limb, but I think the fact that you are even having this conversation leads me to believe that God is working on your heart on this topic. Maybe God is wanting you to have those four kids (one more biological + adoption). I'm not trying to sway you one direction or another, as it seems God is already having you think about this a lot. Praying for you and your decision!
Nikki, we are planning to have 4 - adopting 2 and our 2 bio kids. I know God is calling us to enlarge our family, no doubt, but we have felt called to do it through adoption. Some days it's just hard to officially know we wont have anymore babies around, since we're planning to adopt a baby older than 1 year old (since they have a harder time finding families for older kids, etc). such a hard thing to say goodbye to!
DeleteLove your image of a family table that is PACKED :)
I think it's hard to know when you're done, for some people. For me, I never wanted children. I got married at 21 and about 5 years into our marriage, my heart started to ache for children, but my husband didn't want them. We finally decided to see what would happen if we stopped using birth control and we had our first child, a daughter, in our 7th year of marriage. After we had her, we wanted her to have a sibling, and I figured we'd have three total. We are both from three children families, so I wanted three. After our son was born, a very colicky, screamed all the time, very difficult baby, I felt done. I cherish our two children. They are absolute gifts and I am okay with being done with two. The only time it was hard was when both of my sisters in law were expecting their third children. I was sad, for about a month, then I got the chance to love on my nephew and niece and I was fine.
ReplyDeleteI channel my baby love into my two (they are now 5 and 7) and into the children in our church. I am involved in Vacation Bible School each year and other programs that allow me to spend time with lots of children. I say seek the Lord's wisdom and He will give you peace!
I feel my problem is the exact opposite...I could have 10 newborns, but its the idea that they get older that is hard for me. I LOVE the newborn to 1 (even 2) year stage so much. That's partly why I wanted to have a few years between the girls to savour that time. I also had amazing pregnancies (considering) and have wonderful natural deliveries (well as wonderful as that incredible pain can be!!)
ReplyDeleteWe are undecided about more children, (although I would have more in an instant, but there are a lot of facters that we have to consider) not sure how or when we will decide this, unless we get a CLEAR answer from God one day!
:)Kristal
ahhh emily this is precious to read!! YAY FOR BABIES!! I know how hard tough pregnancies can be!! I had to take dicletin the whole pregnancy (I think you did too), and I was considered "maternally obsese" and had crazy pain in the third trimester. After having Penelope only 6-weeks ago I told my husband I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN!! I went through a tough time where my vision for our family with 4 kids just freaked me out because I couldn't imagine ever going through that again. Here I am with my insanely huge 6-week old and I'm thinking I can totally do this again (not for awhile because of money).
ReplyDeleteand I also think I may be a bit different from you because I'm finding I love the newborn stage but I'm nervous for when she's older and starts "getting into things"
sorry maybe I mis-read this...are you guys considering having another baby biologically?
DeleteShe's saying she's going to miss many aspects of not having another bio-babe, but is still planning to adopt :)
DeleteYes, Sam said it!
DeleteI couldnt believe Brad was asking me if I was up for another bio babe before we adopt (and officially close the shop), because we have both said we are done having babies (not children).
I sometimes get sad thinking about loosing out on those early months and years that we wont have with our adopted kids - we will miss the whole first year and maybe more! But we are 99% sure were done having bio babies and are ready to start the adoption process this Fall :)
NOONNNNNNN !!!!! Je ne suis pas d'accord ! Il faut plus de bébés !
ReplyDeleteAnyways, quand oli sera plus vieux les instincts vont reprendre le dessus et tu va en vouloir un autre. Donc je suis pas inquiets
Team Brad all the way !
Ps Brad je t'interdit d'avoir une vasectomie maintenant. Tu dois encore attendre 5 ans minimum. Au cas où l'envie reviendrais d'avoir un bébé ;)
Pps vous revenez fin juillet à Montréal non ? je vais sûrement m'inviter à souper chez vous à votre retour
Hey Emily,
ReplyDeleteIt's pretty hard to know when you are done having kids. After 3 I was sure that was enough for me but I reluctantly agreed for 1 more. I can't imagine our life without our little Jo-Jo now. Now it is me who is thinking about #5. Celeste has a lot of energy now that there is not a newborn in the house and we are starting to look forward to no diapers. We too have thought about adopting but know that that can be an emotionally tiring and painful process sometimes. Anyway, this is a great opportunity to pray and talk a lot to each other to get your honest feelings out.
My Dad only wanted two. After every new baby he said, "OK, that's enough I think." And my mom said, "Let's have one more."... And they ended up with 12. I think it's a one-at-a-time kinda decision.
ReplyDelete