confessions

Something I have noticed about the many blogs I read is that I often finish a post thinking a very unrealistic thought: their life seems so perfect! 

I know it's not true in my head, but my heart thinks otherwise. And it makes sense... we don't post pictures of ourselves without makeup and in our least favourite outfit. We don't show recipes that tanked or home projects that failed. We don't show pictures of our selves, kids, homes, that aren't at least decent looking. Instead we protect our image by posting only what makes us look like we have it all together. I'm guilty of this as much as all the blogs I'm referring to. But I think it's time for some honesty. 

Today I got the idea after a not-so-beautiful day in terms of my character, to start posting every now and again "Confessions". I want to be realistic. I want to be honest. I don't want anyone to read this blog and think the untrue notion that my life is perfect, or that I'm even close. So here goes...

Today I was a complete blamer. I had a pretty frustrating, frazzled day, and I took a lot of it out on my unsuspecting husband. We remembered at 12pm that in 2 hours Lily has a vaccine, and at her old doctor's office (where were no longer going, except for today), you get a $100 fine if you miss your appointment. The thing was I forgot to write down the time for the appointment, so come 12pm, I was as good as convinced that I'd missed it. My fault, 100%. Taken out on Brad 100%. I raced around the house searching for a piece of paper or an e-mail that I may have written to myself to see what time it was, knowing that calling their horrible machine system would do me no good and that I'd never actually talk to a person. Every suggestion Brad gave, I snapped back something harsh. And finally when Brad found out that we hadn't missed the vaccine, that it wasn't until 2:30pm, I barely thanked him. 

Then after the vaccine I had to get Lily more cloth diaper detergent. I called barked at Brad and asked for directions. He found them, but to their old location. Honest mistake, but do you think I treated it as such? I was stressed and frustrated and driving around the one-way streets of the Plateau aimlessly, and all I was doing is fueling the stress with negativity and not giving my dear husband an ounce of grace. 

Well the day ended. The baby is in bed, the detergent, purchased, the vaccine, administered. And was any of it worth it? Was dishonoring my husband worth it? Is it ever? No. As I write this, I've already confessed this to God and Brad, and both of them have graciously forgiven me, as always, but writing this post has also been so therapeutic. I strive to live as an authentic Christian woman. Meaning if someone thinks I'm perfect or live a perfect life, I'm failing. Hope if anyone was lead astray long enough to think that, that this post will set you straight. 

My husband deserves my best and he doesn't always get it.

The Lord has always given me enough mercies to make it through life's trials, yet I forget his provision is around the corner and cave in to stress and panic.

I'm a woman in need of grace and a saviour, because it's all too obvious that I fall short on a daily basis.

Lamentations 3:22-23

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.